


picking up the pieces

by kitsudoki



Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29677338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitsudoki/pseuds/kitsudoki
Summary: a relationship like that is give and take, and theirs was the sort where ayano seemed to only give, and shintaro could never do either. not for her, not then.
Relationships: Kisaragi Shintaro & Tateyama Ayano
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	picking up the pieces

“are we friends?”

if she had asked him that two years ago he would’ve likely scoffed at such a question. not because he found it silly or because it was ridiculously easy to answer— quite the opposite, actually. one might assume that they were friends (possibly even more than just that) with the way they seemed to be together all the time. but both of them knew better. a relationship like that is give and take, and theirs was the sort where ayano seemed to only give, and shintaro could never do either. not for her, not then.

so what about now? they were two years older now– physically, anyways. mentally, they’ve been through unspecified lifetimes: one through timelines and loops, the other through self-imposed reflection, her short life flashing before her eyes again and again. very different from the two teenagers who stood on this very hill that summer day.

is this yet another instance of ayano holding out her hand? the question, again, felt like such an easy one and yet, amongst the bottomless memories shintaro had stored in his brain, he could not find an answer that he liked. he wanted to be honest; wanted to ask what brought up such a troublesome question anyways; but it doesn’t take a genius to calculate the reason for ayano’s uncertainty, not with shintaro’s track record. yet here ayano was, opening up for a heart-to-heart conversation with the very same person who broke hers time and time again. he slapped her hand away then, but could he really take it into his own now? after everything?

“i–“ his voice cracks, and he hated himself for a moment before continuing, ignoring the way his gaze immediately fell to the concrete beneath his feet, as if trying to ground himself. “... i don’t know.”

he doesn’t think he’s given her that answer before, at least not in this timeline. he always had some kind of snarky rebuttal, a way of kicking her as if she wasn’t already down. it’s hard to tell if this revelation is refreshing or just downright depressing. but his voice is resigned, tired, when he says it again. “i don’t know.”

when a moment of silence passes them by (what feels like an eternity), he manages to look up, anxious of what he might see on ayano’s face. disappointment? hurt?

something else?

nothing. shintaro saw nothing, save for her back, loose hair cascading over her dress.

these hot summer days were much cooler now that a certain red muffler was nowhere to be seen, but every now and then ayano still instinctively reached for it, a phantom weight that could still be felt around her neck.

it’s supposed to be a statement of some sort, she thinks, retiring the old scarf. her arrival back to the living world was quite a revelation: it was only two years, but everyone was so much older now. there was no more need for heroes in red capes. no more need for an older sister playing pretend.

besides, red seemed to have found its way onto someone else, and she liked to think it looks better on him. (he would disagree, she would laugh, and they would both ignore the implications behind either of their statements.) 

heroes, hm? she supposed that word suited him better too. he saved her at the end of the day, and she… well, she didn’t do much of anything. nothing good worth noting, anyways. for awhile, she briefly wondered why she thought she could’ve done anything at all.

this, too, is another sorry attempt, then.

finally, ayano faced him.

“you’ve always been honest with me.”

despite himself, shintaro cracked a smile. it was funny, in the worst sense. _honest_ was a generous word for his cruelty, making it sound as if his insults even had an ounce of truth behind them. even now, words continue to fail. 

he wants to say _i’m sorry_. instead, he says, “maybe too honest.”

and they laugh, as if this was funny. and maybe it is. because it apparently takes her dying for him to finally start treating her like a person rather than some gum on the bottom of his shoe. what a joke. he keeps laughing.

it takes a moment before he realizes that she isn’t laughing anymore.


End file.
